Adjust and Move On

When we moved from Minneapolis, MN, to Bismarck, ND, last year, we found a home super close to a grocery store. This means that I make several visits to the store throughout the week to buy only what I need. Because I work from home, I often run to the store on a quick break in the middle of the day. The employees there recognize me, and we greet each other and talk as “almost” friends.

Instead of a bar (hint: Cheers…cue music), I have a grocery store.

The other day, I discovered that I am not the only person for whom this is true. In fact, my guess is that there are several people like me.

The woman for whom I discovered this is true entered the store at the same time as I. She pushed a cart into the store from the parking lot and then switched to a scooter-cart once inside. We passed each other in the aisles as we circled the stores in a similar rhythm, and we left the store at about the same time.

As she transitioned from scooter-cart back to cart, an employee engaged her in conversation. Initially, it appeared that they knew each other from outside of the store; however, I soon realized that they had the same kind of relationship that I have with the deli person.

He asked how she was, and she shared about how her condition continued to deteriorate. She may be in a wheelchair at some point, but she does not know exactly when that would be. He made a comment similar to one I have made about how that must be hard or some other non-committal and non-engaging phrase.

Her response caught me off guard.

Before I go on, I want to step back for a minute. I have had some struggles in my life. I know many people who have struggled in their lives. I have watched some people handle things well, and I have watched some people struggle more than I thought they should. Just writing that sentence shows how I have a pretty judgmental side. Who am I to judge how someone else handles their struggles? All of that to say that I have seen others live out the principle that this woman stated, but I do not think that anyone has ever said it exactly the way she did.

“Well, you just adjust and move on,” she said.

What? Did I hear her right? Adjust and move on? I don’t think I have ever heard someone state a philosophy quite so well. No stages of grief exist in that philosophy. In her statement is an inherent drive to accept what is happening and to do so quickly. The statement defines a desire to live life as it is rather than wishing for something different.

Regret, denial, worry, and other such concepts steal today from us. When we spend our precious moments wishing that this moment would be different than it is, we lose the moment. It passes us by, and we can’t get it back.

I realize that our minds are all wired differently, and many of minds get in our way.  We trip over ourselves and get entangled in our thoughts.  I have no idea how long this woman has had the condition that she has had. Perhaps she struggled through some denial, depression, or regret in years past, but today – as her condition only seems to worsen – she faces it with strength.  She plans to adjust and move on.

Do not misunderstand the power of these two concepts together.  

This is not – as my huz would say – a “make like a Disney movie and ‘Let It Go'” moment.  It would be great if we could skip the adjust moment and go right to the move on moment. But that is not what this woman is suggesting.  Adjusting our thinking from what we thought would be to being able to move on to what is going to be requires intentional thought.

A couple of years ago, we took our then senior-in-high-school aged children to Europe as a last hurrah before they scattered into adulthood.  It was a great trip, and I would do it again tomorrow if someone handed me tickets.  On our way home, we made a connection that scared me to pieces.

I had never seen anything like it before.

As we neared our gate area, we suddenly found a wall of people all pushing toward one spot.  Airport officials had set up a moving passport check right outside of our gate area.  Passengers trying to get anywhere had to funnel into one area with a few checkpoints.  We shuffled forward, and time ticked onward.  It seemed our flight would take off without us.

This was not a high point in the trip for me!

I like control.  I like to know what is happening.  I like order, and I like logic.  There was none of this in this situation.  More than one of my family members worked to keep me calm.  As it neared departure time for flights, officials would call out the destination, and passengers would move to the front of the line.

There was nothing to be done.  A tantrum, screaming match, or breakdown would only make our situation worse.  In fact, we observed a man try those tactics – bad choice.

Adjusting my thinking to the fact that I would have to settle in, wait, and move on whenever the crowd permitted was not easy for me, but I did it.

We shuffled. We waited.  And eventually we were aboard our plane headed home after the trip of a lifetime.

Regardless of how drastic or simplistic the situation may be, we can apply the same principles and choose contentment rather than dread.  While many life circumstances are very hard, those who survive well seem to be the ones who can find the silver lining, make a change in their thinking, and accept what is out of their control as that.

How does this sit with you? New concept? Or old friend? I would love to hear from you!

In All of It, God is Good

Six weeks ago, our church threw us a going away party. It was an unbelievable experience.  Although my huz has been a youth pastor and a Christian education director prior to this position, Faith Baptist Church was his first full-time senior pastor position. This church took us in, made us family, raised us as a pastor and wife, helped us to raise our children, and loved us.  The worship pastor and a buddy sang a “roasting song” (click here to watch it) for us. We laughed. We cried. Along with the other kind words that were shared that night, this song allowed us to remember the great times and sent us off to our new adventure well.

In the leaving and the sending, God is good.

Almost a month ago, I flew to Texas with my son to catch up with my daughter who had driven there the week before. In a whirlwind trip, we moved them into their dorm rooms, shopped at Target, and bought groceries.  As I drove away, my eyes leaked a lot even though I knew that this new adventure is a great move for them. We already have plans to see them for friends’ wedding in November and again at Thanksgiving.  Even though they are far away, plans to see them seem to make the time go faster.

In the leaving and the going, God is good.

I started a new job before I left for Texas. This new online high school with its twenty students has bolstered my spirits. Something new in the something new has helped me a lot. They started school the Tuesday before Labor Day.  On the same day, I welcomed two classes of freshmen in college who struggle with writing into my classes at the University of Mary.  Most of these students are hard workers who just need a little guidance in their writing.  In their journals, they share their lives with me.

In the arriving, God is good.

On the first day of school, I was tired and wanted to go to bed early.  I had so much to do, and my house was still in chaos (ps: it still is! Moving is really rough!).  The phone rang mid-afternoon, and my huz invited me to join him on the Campus Ministry riverboat cruise on the Missouri River.  I was thrilled to join these college students who love Jesus and want to get to know each other as well as the leadership of this department. There was food, fellowship, and fun.  I skipped the “Get to Know You” Bingo game so that I could make the rounds, fill in squares, and really get to know the kids.  Because several of them had ridden in my car on the way to the cruise, I knew several of their names before getting on the boat with them. Once on the boat, I felt welcomed by them. It is fun to be a part of the huz’s work in this way; it reminds me of being a pastor’s wife. I guess some things never change.

In the new ministries we have, God is good.

The huz has been asked to preach a few Sundays this fall in various churches.  I already miss hearing my man in the pulpit each week even though we have only been in Bismarck for two Sunday services.  I am thankful that God appears to want to continue to use the huz in this way to help churches in our area.

In the new ways we are called to minister, God is good.

One of the new routines in our lives is to attend the Sunday evening Catholic service on campus. A couple hundred students attend the service each week, and it is a good way to stay connected to them.  I see a couple of my own students each week as well. At first, I thought this would be something that I would “just do” as it has not been part of my faith walk to attend Catholic services each week.  However, I am drawn to the contemplative nature of these services.  In the many moments of silence during the service, I feel found.

In the new practices we have discovered, God is good.

My eyes leak – a lot – these days. There is so much new, so much change, and so much we have not found yet. I have decided to attend a women’s retreat this weekend at Crystal Springs Baptist Camp. This is the place where the huz and I met so many years ago. I have not been back since the summer of 2003.  I admitted to the huz last night that I am feeling a bit of anticipation stress about attending. I know a lot of the people who are going, but the 2014 version of Stacy is different than the 2003 version…or even the 1992 version! A lot has happened. I am a different person…well, so are they!  Right?

In the petty concerns of my day, God is good.

My Facebook feed tells me of concerns of others: families facing losses, families in crisis, families who want to adopt children from corrupt countries with corrupt systems, individuals who struggle with mental illness, individuals who need jobs…all of these concerns can overwhelm me even from a distance – what must the concerns be like for those going through them?

In the big concerns of our days, God is good.

Psalm 100:5 – For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

Amen.