Just Bring a Pizza

Last week, a friend posted a deal-i-o on Facebook that I instantly shared with a “YES” comment. Many FB friends shared it, so it must have touched on a nerve. It touched on a nerve with me too.

The next morning, the deal-i-o  was still giving me thoughts, so here they are. Incidentally, the same friend who shared the deal-i-o also shared a fantastic (and somewhat cynical) blog post about the deal-i-o on Monday.  I highly suggest that you read it.  I started this post over the weekend but just wrapped it up today.  She encouraged me to publish it even though it was so close to her post date.  I love encouraging friends!

God doesn’t give bad things.

There is seriously so much wrong (in my opinion) with the statement, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” Right away, we are grabbing onto the idea that God is giving us all of the trials we encounter.  In fact, it would seem to me that we give ourselves some of our trials, we give each other some of our trials, and illness – a physical side-effect of spiritual sin being in the world – gives us most of the others. I have never believed in the kind of God who sits in heaven trying to decide which of  us should have cancer based on who can “handle it.”  Hello!?!?  Even the book of Job is more about getting us to learn how we deal with trials…not realize that all of our trials come from God.

What is more than we can handle?

Most of our lives seem to be recipes for disaster.  We over-commit ourselves in all areas of our lives, and we leave little room for margin.  When the tough things come along, our schedules have no room to handle anything.  A change in my schedule is more than I can handle.  Getting a cold sends me into a tizzy.  Anything more than that is seriously more than I think that I can handle.  And who is to say that I can handle less than you can?  Where does this phrase come from? Why have we integrated it into our line of thinking?

How do we view God?

I have sat in many prayer circles over the years.  There is a rare person in the circle who gives time to praising God for who He is, for what He has done, and for what He will do through us and for us.  Most of us treat our personal and corporate prayer times like a McDonald’s drive through window.

“I’ll take one healing of cancer with a side of extra healing for my dog, please.”

We forget that, though capable of our physical healing, God is more concerned with our relationships with Him and others as well.  The healing that Christ offered while here on earth was equal or more parts spiritual, emotional, and relational over the physical healings that He performed.  While God cares about us (consider the birds of the air…), God is far more concerned with the state of who we are than of how we are.

God created us for community.

God intends for us to celebrate with others (think birthday parties and weddings) as well as to mourn with others (think funerals).  In the in between of those kinds of moments is real life.  God created us to live life together – to play hard, to cry with each other, to listen well, and to encourage one another.

Before crisis hits, we need to take stock and prepare.

1. Get in community and start supporting each other.
2. View the trials of others as trials alone as opposed to consequences of decisions or “gifts from God.”
3. Create margin in life to both take in our own trials as well as to assist in the trials of others.

Consider ways that we can help each other in crisis.

1. Laundry
2. Coupons for pizza delivery or groceries
3. Childcare

Be ready to accept help from others.

Someone commented on my shared post of the picture above that people have to be willing to be helped in order to get help.  Ya sure. You betcha.  Maybe we would all be more willing to take help if we have done a good job of giving the kind of help that actually helps.

Just bring a pizza!

Idle promises of “praying for you” (and then we often forget to do so) will sound much more like promises if we just bring a pizza to their house and say instead, “I have been praying for you, and I thought this might help ease some of the burden.  I’ll be by next week to fold laundry if you would let me do so.”

It’s not easy, though.

I know that I sound like I’m chastising us, and I might be just a little bit.  I am not any better at this than the next person – on either the giving or receiving of help side of things.  When my mom died over a decade ago, one of the best things that a friend did for me was to bring me clothes for the funeral from (where we lived at the time) Minneapolis, MN, to (where the funeral was held) Grand Forks, ND.  I will never forget that generous act.  Even if we are not comfortable going to someone’s house to fold laundry,  something as simple a gift card for gas to help defray the cost of cancer treatments or for groceries to help ease the blow of losing a job will be a big help to those going through a trial.

Let’s look around today and consider how we can help each other.  That is what we are meant to do.

 

Mental Illness: It is an Illness

As I tried to get out of bed yesterday morning, this post wrote itself in my brain. With every re-setting of the alarm and clicking on the snooze button, paragraphs formed in my mind.  I was compelled to write it. I tried to be productive all day – because of my current (crazy and, honestly, about to get crazier) work demands – it took until 4 p.m. yesterday before I had time to actually sit down at my desk and write.

As I mentioned in Monday’s post, we need to get educated about mental illness because it does not always look the way we expect it to.  With a little play on the “Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning” article’s title, I elaborated about how we expect depression (and other mental illnesses) to look one way, but they often look entirely different.

Each person’s experience with mental illness may look different than we expect.

As I thought about the post, though, I realized that – as important as the concept of knowing how depression and other mental illnesses may show themselves differently – accepting the fact that mental illness is an illness…rather than some manifestation of laziness or whatever negative adjective that has been used to describe the mentally ill…is pretty important.

Let’s all say it together (I dare you to say this out loud wherever you are right now): mental illness is an illness, and an illness needs to be treated. (Repeat as necessary)

If you (all) can agree with the truth that mental illness is an illness and – therefore – should be treated in the same way that other illnesses are treated, then another part of the stigma surrounding mental illness can be removed.

Just in case you cannot agree with this, I guess I will just keep writing the thoughts that came to me as I slept…and awoke…and slept…

Who withholds treatment from someone with diabetes?  No one!

I use diabetes as an example because it has several good correlations with mental illness.

• Both can sometimes be controlled with diet, exercise, and life choices.
• Both often require medication.
• Both are controlled best when “patient” makes and keeps appointments with a trained professional.
• Both require a lifetime outlook but could be mediated or “in remission” so to speak.

I know that I do better with my bipolar self when I eat better, walk or do yoga, and make good choices (like getting enough sleep).  When I do not do what I know I need to do, I am working against myself.  The same is true of a diabetic.  In some people with either illness, medications could be avoided (in some cases) when following the “life prescription” from our doctors.

However!!!! I had a good friend in high school who followed all of her doctor’s directions, and her cholesterol (yes, I switched illnesses…you can follow…) still required medication.  She was just five feet tall but weight under 100 lbs and never went to McDonalds.  She was not  someone you would expect to have a high cholesterol problem!  No matter what she did, though, she could not change her chemical make up without medication.

This is true of many with mental illness, but society often forgets that this is true.  There are many who expect those who suffer with depression to just pull it together or those who suffer from schizophrenia to stop hearing voices or seeing people who are not there.

Seriously?

If we accept that mental illness is an illness, then we need to agree that the illness may need treatment.  And that treatment could involve both life changes such as more exercise or eating right AND medication, therapy, or other things.  Telling the person with a mental illness to try harder is pretty insulting.

When we are someone who suffers from mental illness, we need to accept this, work with our health professionals, and make wise choices so that we can live as “normal” of as possible.  We may need to do a few things to help our condition, and we need to accept that and –  well – do them.  For example, I absolutely should start every morning with a walk.  When was the last time I did that??? Time to start – it helps!

When we are supporting someone who suffers from mental illness, we need to support that person, to hold that person accountable for going to appointments, and to encourage him or her to do all that will help – diet, exercise, medication, life changes…whatever! BUT we need to be careful and wise how we do that.  What we say is not nearly as important as how we say it.

In the past few months, I have taken some time off from this posting a lot on this blog.  While I did that, I took a blogging class that asked to consider why I write.  Originally, it was to help me to mediate the impact of my own bipolar self.

For nearly two years, I wrote and wrote and wrote. I wrote about everything – things I saw, things I did, and things I thought.  I argued against myself from one week to the next on issues.  I ranted. I raved.  My fingers flew across the keyboard.

My mind emptied, quieted, and slowed.

The blogging helped me.

Now, though, I see my purpose in this blog to a voice for those who have lost their voice to whatever biological, psychological, or illogical sickness ails them.  I want to help those who have been marginalized because of society’s misunderstanding of the crazy we feel inside our head – and trust me, I think some crazy thinks sometimes.

The foundation for this purpose first and foremost has to be to help promote the fact that mental illness is an illness.  While those of us who suffer from it – just like someone who suffers from diabetes or high cholesterol – can make choices to help mediate it, we might not be able to “just get over it.”

And we need not only to be treated but to be respected, loved, and even cherished.

I am thankful for my family and friends who have walked this road with me over the past three years since my diagnosis. While I have probably always suffered, I was incorrectly diagnosed throughout my life. Now that we have an accurate diagnosis, we can have an accurate treatment plan.

But it is not easy being me…and is not always easy being around me…but that seems to be another blog. As usual, I have babbled…and have no idea how to end…so I will just stop writing…

Happy Wednesday!

photo credit: © 2006-2013 Pink Sherbet Photography via photopin cc

40 Years…and a Re-post

I started to write a post this morning about the 40 year “anniversary” of Roe v Wade, and I found myself stumbling over words.  It may be the fact that I do not feel well and am staying home to recover.  Or it could be that I was far more articulate a year ago. 

So – I went to that post, and I have copied and pasted it into this post.  What I would have said this morning would have not been in reaction to a news story but rather in thinking about 40 years of making something legal, its impact on women and their decision-making about desperate situations, and how those decisions have injured them. 

May we show love to girls and women so that they can choose life, regardless of what is legal – for their babies and for themselves.  May they know our love.

——January 31, 2012: Abortion Clinic Licensing——

I read the news on my phone every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to bed.  For some reason, I cannot fall asleep until I know what has happened in the world since waking, and I cannot get up in the morning until I know what has happened in the world since falling asleep.  This is a ritual that I rarely skip.

On Saturday night, the following headline actually ended up keeping me awake (along with some poor choices in terms of the amount of food I had consumed that day):

Some MN Lawmakers Want to License Abortion Clinics

Click on the title to read the news story yourself.

Interrupting myself: I identify myself as someone who is pro-life. I believe that we should avoid taking life whenever possible through abortion, war, euthanasia, and yes – even – the death penalty.  Side note: I want to support the death penalty because I am a revenge-seeker; however, it is not my revenge to seek, and I do believe that taking that life is wrong.  However,  I am not someone that you would find holding a protest sign calling a woman a “murderer” as she enters an abortion clinic.  If I were at the clinic at all, I would be there to offer an alternative, help through that choice, and love through the situation that brought her to want an abortion at all.

Back to the news: I read the article with great interest. Although I think we are a nation a long way from making abortion illegal again, I am always hopeful that limiting the scope rather than broadening scope will occur with each legislative session.  I had no idea before this news story that abortion clinics in Minnesota had no regulations to follow and no one to whom they answered.  How could this be?  Abortion is typically a surgical procedure – surely it needs regulations for safety, codes of ethics, and concern for women.

Apparently, I was wrong.  This would be new to Minnesota abortion clinics, and abortion advocates are opposed to it.  According to Linnea House, with the Minnesota Abortion Rights Action League, “this is a veiled attempt to limit access to abortions and gives the state unprecedented authority to close abortion clinics down if they have a high enough number of violations that go uncorrected for a lengthy period of time.” (Quote directly from the article).

Did I hear her correctly?  She is more concerned about clinics staying open than she is about safety?  That is what I hear when she says the state should not have the authority “to close an abortion clinic down if they have a high enough number of violations that go uncorrected for a lengthy period of time.”

Let’s think about this in some different situations.  If my child’s daycare has a “high enough number of violations that go uncorrected for a lengthy period of time,” the state has the right to close the daycare.  If a hospital has a “high enough number of violations that go uncorrected for a lengthy period of time,” the state has the right to close the hospital.  If my grandmother’s nursing home has a “high enough number of violations that go uncorrected for a lengthy period of time,” the state would have the right to close the the nursing home.

By the way, none of my grandmothers are in nursing homes – using them was merely for dramatic effect – they would all understand…and that is my digression for the day.

The point is that we take a great deal of care with our toddlers, with those in the hospital, and with our elderly.  Why would we take less care of our women in the midst of a very emotionally charged surgical procedure?  Regardless of the “side” of the abortion controversy we find ourselves situated, we all claim to be pro-woman.  I find it interesting that an advocacy group that argues minute-by-minute each day to keep abortion legal for the sake of women is opposed to regulations that would keep women safer.

Should not a clinic that has a “high enough number of violations that go uncorrected for a lengthy period of time” be closed?  I thought to myself, what could possibly be in this bill that would make anyone oppose it?  So – I looked up the bill so that I could read it for myself.  I have always been a proponent of original documents – click here to read the original document.

I read the entire bill – all twelve pages.  Thankfully, my years in online education and charter schools have taught me how to read these things.  Overwhelming and daunting are they.

What could anyone possibly oppose in this bill that is, for the most part, about safety regulations for a clinic performing a surgical “procedure”?  And then I found the issue that would cause opposition from Ms House in subsection 9.e.4  – it requires an ultrasound evaluation and a report on the status of the fetus to the mother prior to the abortion.

So – is the opposition about limiting access to women?  I do not think so.  If they want to continue to beat that drum, they certainly can, but I do not buy it.  As I stated, the opposition to safety for women cannot hold.  Regardless of where we stand on the abortion issue itself, no one should be arguing against safety in medical procedures. Our plastic surgeons must be regulated – we want safety when we are nipping and tucking – why would we not want the same safety when someone is poking around our internal women parts?

The problem has to be bigger than that.

And I assert that it is.  The problem Ms House has with the Minnesota bill is the ultrasound requirement. So then we have to ask, “Why would anyone be opposed to a woman having an ultrasound before an abortion procedure?”

The answer is simple. 

According to a spokeswoman for the Catholic Conference of Illinois, “80 percent of women (seeking abortions) who view ultrasounds of their babies decide against abortion” (quote found by clicking here).  The problem is not that the bill limits abortions; the problem is that the bill requires an ultrasound which pro-life camps assert reduces the amount of times women choose abortion.

If the pro-choice side of the debate is truly about choice, then what is wrong with women choosing not to abort?  And please do not start an argument in the comment section about how this makes women feel guilty about what they are about to do.

As a pastor’s wife, I have had the privilege of hearing from women – a few months after an abortion or many years after they an abortion – and none of them were happy about the choice they had made.  They have lived with guilt from the moment they left the clinic.  They resented the situations they were in at the time, they became adamant pro-lifers who would stand against abortion in the current political realm, and they struggled to forgive themselves for their choice.  Thankfully, there are organizations and people who welcome post-abortive women into fellowship and walk a road with them so that they can learn that forgiveness is there for them.

The abortion industry already had reason to be concerned before this bill ever came along.  According to a newspaper  article this summer, abortion rates in Minnesota are already in decline by 7-10%.  If this proponents of ultrasound use are correct with their 80% number, the abortion industry’s funding would drop substantially.  In 2003, a law went into effect in Minnesota requiring that women wait 24 hours before having an abortion; the data seems inconclusive about the impact on the abortion industry.

FYI: my tattoo artist required me to wait 7 days between consult and the “procedure.” Chew on that for a few minutes…

I have obviously rambled and lack quite a bit of coherence in all of this.  I did not set out to argue the right or wrong of abortion but rather question the opposition of making it safe or even of reducing the need for it.  I am pro-woman as well as pro-child…and actually – pro-man (it takes two to make the one, right?), and I am tired of women being lied to, hurt in procedures, and left on their own to recover – physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Seriously – what abortion clinic offers counseling afterwards and helps women learn that God forgives?

This debate could be over very easily. 

I think that we all should be about ending the need for abortions at all by looking at factors that lead women to choose it in the first place.  Society is more concerned with “taking care of the problems” through abortion than with working through the problems that make abortion attractive.  Would it not be great if we all came around women (and men) and said, “I know that this is hard.  You are not alone.  Why is abortion the choice you want to make?  If that reason was not there, would you have the baby?  We will help you through that. There are alternatives to abortion.”

That would be a great day…until then, let’s make this as safe as possible by regulating the clinics with the same vigilance we do our daycares, hospitals, and nursing homes and allowing the state to close down the ones that have a “high enough number of violations that go uncorrected for a lengthy period of time.”

Anything less than that seems unacceptable to me.

"Fifty Shades" of Double Standards

The ways that men and women experience most things in life differ more often than not. Women tend to experience life through words. Men tend to do so through images. Because of these differences, it can be hard to know when a double standard occurs. As a woman, I feel the impact of double standards on almost a daily basis.  Men can talk a certain way, act a certain way, and be treated a certain way…I can’t.

Double standards hurt when they impact me as a woman.  I should be equally as appalled when a double standard impact the men around me.

When I married my husband, I did so for better or for worse.  Over the course of our seventeen years of marriage, there have been times of each.  Never, however, have we had to deal with issues that would arise from him watching or looking at porn.  I cannot imagine what that would do to me as his wife.  I cannot imagine what that would do to our marriage.  I just simply cannot imagine it.  As I write these words, I get a little anxious knowing full well that many women have dealt with this or do deal with it.  I doubt that it would be a marriage breaker for us because I believe in the power of Christ, but it would be a pretty hard thing to deal with.

As the Fifty Shades of Grey has recently swept across my radar, I have had little to no interest in reading the book.  I never thought that I would write a blog post about the book (not having read it – I am typically pretty opposed to doing something like that), but I found that I had to defend why I was not reading it and encourage others to stay away as well.  I shared my reasons in a post a few days ago.  Several friends had asked why I was not reading it, and it just became easier to write a blog post.

I never thought that I would write a follow up post, but the comments on the various blogs have led me to write this post.

My favorite:

We would have a cow if our Christian bros were reading/watching this type of stuff and supporting the objectification of women… so why is the reverse considered acceptable? Um, it’s not.

So true…

If we, as women, are opposed to our husbands, brothers, fathers, and male friends watching  or looking at pornography, we – as women –  have to oppose reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  In the same way that I do not have to watch a pornographic film to know that I should not watch it, I do not have to read the book to know that I should not read it.

Because we (male vs female) tend to experience life differently, men are drawn to images while women are drawn to words.  This is only difference between “adult” films and “adult” reading.  If we, as women, do not recognize this in ourselves, we need to step back and consider.  They both have the same end through different means. And the same end needs to be avoided.

If not, then a double standard is being applied.  We, as women, are continuously up in arms about the double standards that we seem to encounter often.  We should be able to spot a double standard when we see it.  And when we do, we need to acknowledge it and listen to it.

What is not good for the goose is also not good for the gander.

What happens if the double standard continues in this area?  The men in our lives will soon realize it, and the voice against “adult entertainment”…an industry that damages so many…will fall on deaf ears. If that happens, our world will see a new era of darkness.

Mark, a commenter from the areavoices.com site on which I post, stated it perfectly:

When do we as individuals and as a nation start to mourn, rather than celebrate, the slow but sure degradation of our morals into a miry shade of grey where war can be peace and hate can be love? I fear the wake-up call for many will be at the moment when they desperately need human compassion to rescue them from a helpless situation and they only receive cold indifference from those whom they thought were family and friends.

It’s time for us to wake up and stand up – stand against all forms of entertainment that blur the lines of appropriate and healthy relationships.  It is time to face the fact that Fifty Shades of Grey is porn for the woman’s mind.  If we say no to the image-based porn, we have to say no to word-based porn.

I know that I am drawing the line in the sand with these posts.  I know that I have taken a stand that may be unpopular.  But when my gut says that something is ugly, it is usually right.  And if my gut asks me to share my view with others, the mind will not quiet until the fingers obey and share what is on my heart.  I respectfully welcome the thoughts of others and only ask that you be respectful toward me in your disagreement. 

Through all who have disagreed with me so far, the one thing that I have yet to hear is what redeeming value this book has. Is there any?

Giving Life Meaning

As I have mentioned in several posts, my job takes me on the road often.  It also has me visiting courthouses quite often. Recently, I was in Sherburne County for a hearing, and I saw the quote below in the courthouse.

I knew without even thinking that it would make a great blog post.

Read it again.

And again.

And again.

Download the picture, make it your screen’s photo for a day, and then be challenged by what it says.  How can this thought take root in us each and every day?

I also run into many people who think that they have nothing to give to the world around them.  They feel as though no one wants their help, that others are doing it all, or that their skills do not match the needs.

So not true! Willing hands, willing feet, and willing hearts are welcome in just about any volunteer organization around the country!

What have I seen that needs help?

The need for guardian ad litem positions is on the rise as children in foster care and in custody cases need an advocate for them.  Click here for information in Minnesota.  Those in other states can just Google for information.

The need for foster care families is always around with a shortage.  In fact, in Hennepin County, children remain at St Joseph’s Home for Children waiting for families that could care for them.  Because there are not enough families, children stay.

Perhaps foster care is not something you can do (that is legit, by the way!), consider volunteering with organization that support families.  Kinship or the Big Brother/Big Sister’s organizations are excellent ways to get involved.

And these are just the thoughts I have for impacting children.  There are countless ways that we can reach out to vulnerable adults or the elderly.

To hurt is human, but to help is also human.

What can I do today to impact tomorrow?

Slavery? Still?

Pinch me, please, and remind me that we live in 2012.  Remind me that slavery was abolished in most northern American states in 1783 after the American Revolution. Remind me that the Constitution’s 13th amendment – which abolished slavery in the entire United States –  was ratified in 1865.

How then can slavery still exist in the United States?

It does.

Not only does it exist “somewhere” in the United States, it happens in my state – in my city.  And that makes me so, so sad.  The quote below is taken from an article in today’s online edition of the Twin Cities Daily Planet:

…because of a large immigrant population, northern ports, and a long border with Canada, Minnesota has become one of the areas most heavily targeted as a spot for labor and sexual trafficking.

This is happening in my state, in my city – maybe on my block for all I know.

In fact, it has even bumped into my professional world.  One of my truancy cases turned out to be much more complicated than a student simply not logging on to her computer to do school work.  As the case unraveled, truancy was the least of our concerns as it became evident that this young lady was a victim of the sex trade and human trafficking.  To this day, I wonder what the outcome of the situation was.  I can only hope, only pray, that redemption was part of her story.

A few years ago, through one of those “God” moments where people come into your life and stay…and you are thankful, I was invited to attend a fundraiser/awareness/info night for International Justice Mission.  If you want to hear the back story of the woman who was at the bottom of this, click here and read.  But – that night planted a seed in me to know more and to consider how I might do more.  It has taken some time, and I am still not sure what this means for me personally or for our family collectively…but we continue to seek what God has for us in this area.

Last night, my family joined 500 other people at a celebration and awareness event held by International Justice Mission at the Riverview Theater in Minneapolis.  The most compelling part of the night for me was that we were shown the new film put out by IJM: At the End of Slavery.  The film highlights the work being done around the world to combat slavery and human trafficking.  It also reveals the overwhelming number of people in bondage for various reasons.

There is a great need as human lives is now the third most “sold” commodity after drugs and arms.

Our family has attempted to learn more about this great need.  In fact, my husband and a team of concerned peeps have even brought information about IJM to our church through the annual Freedom Sunday services.  According to IJM and US state department statistics, millions of people remain in the grip of slavery around the world and in our own country.  While IJM works almost exclusively in international fields by training local law enforcers, supporting investigators, and creating a collaborative model including aftercare for victims, other agencies such as Breaking Free in Minneapolis/St Paul work inside the United States in similar models.  Check into a “men only” organization – MATTOO–  that is demanding change as well.

How can this still be happening? In 2012?

In his speech to the Anti-Slavery Society following the close of the Civil War, Frederick Douglass warned them – and warns us – that slavery will not go away:

It has been called by a great many names, and it will call itself by yet another name; and you and I and all of us had better wait and see what new form this old monster will assume, in what new skin this old snake will come forth.

He was right.  The old snake has new skin, and that monster is destroying the lives of men, women, and children here in our country and in countries around the world.

As we left last night, our family realized that awareness is truly a first step, and we are beyond that step now.  We need to move into the action stage.

Awareness is an important first step in getting rid of human slavery and human trafficking.

• Do we know that this is happening?

• Do we care?

• Do we pray for their freedom?

• Do we see it happening in our cities?  Would we know how to recognize it?

• For more information about awareness, see the IJM website.

Action is needed in this issue.  How can you act?

• Share your vision with others and raise awareness in those who have not heard about this horrible reality.  You could host a screening of the film that we saw! Click herefor more information.
• Prayer is vital.  Battles must be fought in person, and those battles need prayer support.
• Funding is necessary.  Be creative and think outside the box – how could you support IJM?
• Consider a career with IJM.

As a family, we are unsure what our action will be.  Joining in the prayer time last night should not be the last prayer moment that we have on behalf of those who fight slavery.  How can we mobilize our community and our friends to see this as an issue worth writing to their congress-person about?  How can we heighten awareness in the people whom we see every day in our schools and work places?

What is our next step?

That is the question for us to day….is it a question for you as well?