When the Racing Mind Crashes…

The title of this blog comes from the fact that I struggle with bipolar illness. Even when medicated appropriately and balanced well, the natural rises and falls of this illness stay with me.  I have only been medicated for the past few years, but the diagnosis made a lot of sense – especially the manic times which I usually loved until they started to tip and go into a crash.  When mania hits me, my mind races.  I cannot catch the words fast enough to say them, and often they are not thoughts that one would share with others.  Having a blog allows me to focus and capture some of the thoughts long enough to write them down.

November and the first part of December was a pretty great manic time.  I took on some projects, had some great thinks, stayed up late with my family, and wrote some great blogs.  Unfortunately, all good mania must tip and end in a crash before balance returns.  I wish I could predict the crashes better because then I could take a sick day or three and choose not to say “yes” to projects that will occur right as the crash is happening.

The crash happened yesterday.  I could hardly get out of bed…not a great thing to have happen when we had brunch plans, the Christmas postcard to get out, a few Christmas presents to order, and a Christmas musical performance.  Did I mention that my daughter and I did the choreography the musical and needed to be in the front row doing the actions to assist the kids?  I made it through the brunch, but I was back in bed by mid-afternoon.  I made through the musical, and it was great.

Today is church, the Christmas dinner, a Christmas performance of a co-worker, and something else that isn’t coming to mind but is on the calendar somewhere.  This is almost entirely an energy issue; I feel fine – just exhausted.  Balance will return soon enough, and the cycle begins again.  The timing is never perfect, but my family is wonderful and handles this all very well.

And I have no idea how to end this…


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